Whether on friendshipparentingor self-careDr. Sadeghi, the co-founder of the revolutionary integrative health center Be Hive of Healinghas put together a cheeky list of how-to-kill-the-most-passionate-love rules that speak, humorously, toward precisely how not to behave in your most cherished relationships.
Many times knowing what not to do goes much further toward solving relationship problems—or any problems—rather than being overwhelmed with too much information and over-thinking a situation. Life is often simpler than we think. So, if learning how to have a miserable relationship can help you have a happy one instead, then I am overjoyed to have turned the time-honored self-help approach on its ear with the help of Dr.
Haley, tongue planted firmly in cheek. Just remember to invite me to your 50th wedding anniversary party. According to the Google Books Project, million books have been published 1 since the beginning of, well…publishing, and more than half of them are about improving your marriage. Of course, there are couples who are genuinely seeking to improve their relationships, but what about the hundreds of millions of people actively engaged in ruining them? It takes far more effort and energy to sulk, scream, seethe, slam doors, criticize, complain, threaten, and withhold than it does to plan a date night once in a while.
This easy-to-understand, ten-step guide eliminates the work, outlining the most effective ways you can secure yourself a relationship free of even the smallest amount of happiness—at every stage. Divorce is not an option—you need a sustainable misery fix, after all—but threatening divorce repeatedly certainly is.
Based on empirical evidence from a new research report Quantifying Misery in the Marriage State: A Longitudinal Study Since the Birth Mankind that has the behavioral science world buzzing, these universal, timeless principles have proven their effectiveness to ruin relationships from generation to generation.
Do not fear, though: The absolute guarantee of a miserable marriage is to begin it badly, and all you have to do accomplish that is make one or preferably both of these crucial mistakes:.
The best-worst reason to get married? To avoid something else. The possibilities are endless: You could marry to avoid poverty, having to work, family pressure, loneliness, your biological clock running out. You might also want to consider one of these classically clashing partnerships like: Make your happiness their personal responsibility. Remember, your happiness always comes from something outside yourself, and every human mistake your partner makes will be a massive disappointment to you, providing endless opportunities to point out all of his or her shortcomings.
Miscommunication is the cornerstone of a miserable partnership. This is your soul mate, right? Why express your needs at all? Do your best to let as much time as possible go by while waiting for your oblivious spouse to catch on to your clueless display of emotional distress.
When sufficient time has passed, your resentment will be under such pressure that it will explode all over your spouse in a nuclear display of needy self-righteousness. Valuable miscommunication tools to use in place of actual words: The point is to never, ever say what you really mean. Be suggestive, brooding, forlorn, or silent; just be anything but literal and your relationship will be permanently lost in translation.
If real communication should accidentally happen, you can short-circuit the process by constantly expressing how you feel about something but never what you want to actually do How to sabotage someone elses relationship it. As an added bonus, never miss an opportunity to criticize without offering any alternative suggestions.
With your mother-in-law close by, it will be easy for her to regularly drop in unannounced, of course and guide you in the proper ways to take care of her baby boy, and a lot of
How to sabotage someone elses relationship things, too. At the same time, your father-in-law will be able to subtly remind you over and over again that your family only survives because of his generosity.
Drop everything when she calls and see how quick your wife resents playing second fiddle to Mommy Dearest. The goal in any argument is to make sure nothing gets changed so you can revisit the subject and argue about it again and again. The two best ways to ensure a solution never arises in an argument is to either withdraw into a sulking pity party or escalate it into an opportunity for a dramatic door-slamming exit.
Feel free to go off on tangents and dredge up past issues that have nothing to do with the matter at hand. A kitchen-sink approach to arguing is the perfect way to bury your spouse in belligerence. Remember these quick tips: Never allow your spouse to finish a sentence.
Cross-talk is kryptonite to real listening. Sexual desire is one of the most powerful human urges that drive behavior. If you can manage to make your sex life truly awful, nature will do the rest in magnifying your marital misery exponentially. The easiest way to go from flirtation to friction is to screw up the sexual timing between you and your spouse: Always initiate sex at the wrong time, in the wrong place, with the wrong frequency, or in the wrong way.
Any beginner can easily include one of these wrongs when approaching a spouse for sex, but misery masters use them all over the course of a relationship, creating lots of sexual frustration. Always want sex when your spouse is not interested or occupied with something else: Insist on having How to sabotage someone elses relationship on the living room floor thirty minutes before the kids are supposed to get home from school, or suggest sexual positions where you both can watch TV at the same time.
The bonus to screwing up the location, timing, and frequency of sex is that it adds a lot of rushed tension and stress to the moment, completely obliterating any possibility of intimacy occurring during your doomed interaction. To kill intimacy easily, always keep your attention on anything but each other during sex…if you actually get that far.
Other great ways to create a miserable marriage and sex life: Arouse your partner and then inexplicably lose interest in the heat of the moment—or never tell your partner what actions work for you sexually, then blame them for not being able to please you.
Of course, this should only happen after years of faking orgasms, so sufficient frustration has built up between the two of you. Never miss an opportunity to use sex as a weapon and withhold it from your partner.
Begin going to bed at a different time than your partner. Way to go, misery maker! Research How to sabotage someone elses relationship that generally speaking, we tend to be drawn to potential partners that are similar to us except when it comes to money. Be creative and find ways to hide purchases from your partner. The impact will be much bigger when they get the credit card bill and it hits them all at once. Of course, though, hoarding your money and using none of it to actually enjoy your marriage goes a long way toward moving your relationship into the gray zone.
Your children will be predisposed to choosing miserable marriage partners for themselves after subconsciously marinating in your resentment and bickering, day in and day out for the first two decades of their lives.
Even when you talk to each other, it should always be about the children. My spouse and I no longer serve any purpose outside our parental roles. When the kids are finally off creating their own relationship dramas in middle and high school, and there are no more diapers and croup to stress over, consider replacing the lost misery with an affair.
The more intimate the relationship they have with this person, the better. Did someone say Best Friend? You could also go for a stranger, but be sure to choose someone who looks very similar to your partner, only twenty years younger.
Become overly flirty with co-workers of the opposite sex. Just be sure your partner witnesses these interactions.
A sudden change in hairstyle, dress, makeup or
How to sabotage someone elses relationship goes a long way toward creating rampant insecurity and panic in your spouse, too. Adding quiet desperation and alienation to your marriage has never been easier in the Information Age. Now you can completely abandon your spouse without having to leave the comfort of your own home: Over-use of cell phones, computers, iPads, texting, email, Instagram, social networks, and so on.
Why clue into your real life marriage when you can check out into virtual reality? Over time, electronic distancing does wonders to deteriorate relationships of all kinds, but especially marriages. Oxford University researchers found that increasing communication between spouses using technology led to decreasing marital satisfaction 5.
A text is the Post-it note of 21st-century communication, and should be used frequently to treat your partner as an afterthought. Never forget; technology transfers information, not emotion. Emails and especially texts also give you the ability to fight dirty.
Never miss a chance to hit and run your partner with a nasty message and then refuse to answer their reply or simply turn your phone off for hours. In fact, your subconscious addiction to your various gadgets keeps you lost in cyberspace more than you think. Try making it through a three-day weekend without a cell phone or personal computer. A poll from The New York Times showed How to sabotage someone elses relationship in seven people said they spend less time with their partner because of media.
Even more amazing, one in ten openly admitted to spending less time with their children, too 6! So log on to your gadget, tune in to The Net and drop out of your marriage. Sexless Marriage Is Surprisingly Common. The New York Times. For more health and inspirational insights from Dr. Sadeghi, please visit Behiveofhealing. For daily messages of and humor, follow Dr.
Sadeghi on Twitter at Behiveofhealing. The views expressed in this article intend to highlight alternative studies and induce conversation. They are the views of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of goop, and are for informational purposes only, even if and to the extent that this article features the advice of physicians and medical practitioners.
This article is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and should never be relied upon for specific medical advice. You may also like. 22 Filthy Ways to Breakup Someone Else's Relationship for you who have this devilish thoughts to Creating lies or make up false stories to sabotage them. you really belong with a person who is in a relationship with someone else, then together, no one can tell them that you sabotaged the previous relationship.
How can you avoid the patterns that destroy a loving relationship? This doesn't mean we have to agree with what someone else is saying. However, we can.
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