Dealing with a cheating spouse may be one of the hardest things you ever have to do. All you can do is communicate with your spouse, listen to yourself, and decide whether or not your relationship is worth saving. If you do decide you want to make things work, then you have to take things one day at a time while remembering to take care of yourself. Reader Approved Why choose wikiHow? If you focus too much on blaming yourself, then that will be letting your partner off the hook.
Though knowing some things about the affair can bring you comfort, you may not want to know too much about what the other person looks like, what he does for a living, or any other details that are likely to distract you or to make you feel bad about yourself. You may feel incredibly hurt and incredibly angry, and may have the urge to tell all of your family members, your closest friends, or even to post about it on social media to really get your feelings out.
Instead of telling everyone you know, tell only the people close to you who you think can really help you think this through. Once you tell everyone about what happened, you may feel an initial relief, but that could be followed by some pain and regret. Talking to the people close to you can definitely help you gain strength as well as a new perspective about your situation. But in the end, know that their opinions can never replace your own.
Though you may think that you want to pack up your things or kick your spouse out of the house the second you find out about the cheating, you need to take more time to think this through. You can certainly spend some time away from your spouse, but avoid saying you want a divorce or taking any drastic measures right away. Though deciding to take some time apart immediately can be a good thing, you should avoid saying that you want a divorce as soon as you hear the news; though this may be what your gut tells you to do, wait until you have a clear head before you decide this for good.
Punishing your spouse will only fill you with more bitterness and will make your relationship feel even worse. You should take your time to think about what "How to cope when your wife cheats on you" want from your spouse before you begin a conversation How to cope when your wife cheats on you him or her. Instead, take some time to formulate a game plan so your spouse knows what you expect from him if he wants the relationship to continue.
Let your partner know what he or she needs to do for you to continue the relationship. This can include going to counseling together and possibly apart, taking concrete steps to rediscover the things you loved to do together, making time for communication every night, or sleeping in separate rooms until you feel comfortable sharing a space again.
Even if you really feel ready to forgive your spouse or for things to get back to normal, you should know that it can take a long time to regain that trust and loving feeling you once had for your spouse. This is perfectly natural.
If you try to rush things along you may run into trouble. It can take months, or even years, to rebuild that trust again. It may take many days for you to feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed as your partner again, going out to dinner with him, or to enjoy doing the things you loved to do together.
Be prepared for that. Let your feelings out. Tell him about the anger, the hurt, the betrayal, and the pain he has put your through. If you feel too emotional to have a conversation about what happened, give it a few days or wait long enough to feel comfortable talking about it as candidly as possible. Of course, the conversation may never feel completely comfortable, but you can take some time to get your footing if you need to.
That said, you may not want to delay this conversation for too long. Ask the questions that you want the answers to. You may want some clarity when it comes to what your cheating spouse did.
If you want to piece together how this has been going on, then you can ask questions about how many times it happened, when it happened, how it started, or even about what your spouse feels about this other person. However, if you want there to be a chance that the relationship lasts, then you should think twice before asking about details that you may be better off not knowing.
Ask any questions that you think will help you get a better sense of where your relationship stands. However, try to avoid asking questions just to satisfy your curiosity; the answers may end up hurting too much. As embarrassing as it may sound, as soon as you know that your spouse has cheated on you, you should both get tested immediately. Going through this process will also help your spouse understand the gravity of his or her actions.
Listen to your spouse. You may feel as if hearing him or her out is the last thing you want to do, but if you want to get some clarity and to move the relationship forward, then you have to hear his or her side of the story. Improve your communication every day. Once you and your spouse have begun to talk about the cheating, you can work on improving your line of communication.
Make sure to be open and honest, to talk regularly, and to avoid being passive aggressive as much as possible.
If you feel like this is exhausting and only rehashing old feelings, then you should work on talking more about the present and future than the past.
This is the time to be vigilant and to focus on your relationship. Decide if How to cope when your wife cheats on you want to try to fix it. Of course, once you start talking about the cheating, you have to make an important decision: The most important thing is to take the time and space you need to really reflect before making any rash decisions.
If you decide you want to make them work, then prepare to put in a lot of effort. Unfortunately, no magazine, friend, family member, or doctor can tell you what decision is best for you—or for your family. If there are kids involved, then your decision gets even more complicated. It can take a long time to find the truth, but the most important thing is that you recognize that no one else can tell you what to do or what to feel—especially not your spouse. Make a choice to forgive.
Be honest with your spouse about this. Let him or her know that you really want to try to make it work. Spend time together, without bringing up the affair. If you want to start rebuilding your relationship, then you and your spouse should spend quality time together that has nothing to do with the fact that your spouse cheated.
Work on doing the things you used to love together and avoiding the places that remind you of the cheating that took How to cope when your wife cheats on you. Make an effort to start from the bottom up, making sure your relationship has a solid foundation through daily activities before you move forward too fast.
This can help you see your relationship in a new light. Take care of yourself. You may be too busy feeling a whirlwind of complicated emotions to think about things like eating three meals a day, getting some sunshine, and making sure to get enough rest. However, if you want to stay strong during this difficult time and to have the energy to work on your relationship, that is exactly what you have to do.
Here are some things to keep in mind: Try to get at least hours of sleep per night. Work to eat three healthy meals a day. Fatty foods can make you feel sluggish.
Try to get at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. This time is good for your mind and body and can give you some time to be alone and not think about the affair.
Write in a journal. Try to write in it at least a few times a week to take some time to get in touch with your thoughts.
Spend more time with your friends and family to feel centered. You may feel like it will be too embarrassing or too much for you, but this can actually be the best way to create a safe space for you and your partner and for you to truly feel comfortable sharing your feelings.
Find a counsellor you trust and make sure to give it your all during your sessions. Your partner violated your trust, and he or she should be able to do this thing for you. If you have children, then dealing with your cheating spouse will be even more complicated.
While he or she may argue that your children will be better off with two parents at home, this may not be the case if those two parents are How to cope when your wife cheats on you fighting or no longer care for each other.
Being with your children can make you feel stronger, too. How do I deal with a husband who continues to cheat on me, and will not apologize? Are you dependent on him?
Do you have young children? If your answers are "no" to these questions, then get rid of him. If your answers are "yes," then start changing things for yourself.
It's not worth wasting your life being miserable and worrying about who's next.
Not Helpful 2 Helpful Emotional affairs are just as hurtful as sexual affairs. If your spouse regards this other person as "just a friend" and continues to invest more time and attention into them instead of you, it will probably evolve into something more than an emotional affair. Cheating is more than just having sex outside of your relationship.
Not Helpful 0 Helpful What should I do if my spouse is unapologetic and
How to cope when your wife cheats on you cheated numerous times? You should end the relationship and get rid of them. Your spouse does not value you or your relationship.
You are nothing more than a place card holder for someone or something else. It will be difficult at first, but it will be healthier for you emotionally in the long run.
Not Helpful 7 Helpful My husband divorced me, blaming this characterless girl he started dating within three months - how can I move on? What can I do? Give yourself time to grieve your loss. You can't make someone love you or stay with you. When you're dealing with a cheating spouse, you How to cope when your wife cheats on you feel like your last priority is to take care of yourself.
You may. Coping With the Aftermath of Her Affair. If you've recently found out that your wife cheated on you, it's understandable if you feel lost and don't know exactly what. Finding out that your partner has been unfaithful can hit you like a ton of It is natural to want to know why your partner cheated, but there is.