I've been thinking a lot lately about the way we communicate, particularly as it pertains to dating -- a relatively new world for me after a decade of serial monogamy, including a marriage.
I've been mired in conversation with friends about the texts and dating app messages and phone calls that get exchanged during this seemingly oh-so-delicate dance we call dating. The careful selection of punctuation marks periods are often too serious, exclamations too enthused, no punctuation too lackadaisicalthe waiting hours to reply to appear busy or cool or appropriately aloof, the excruciating dissection of -- and hanging on to -- each and every word -- is exhausting.
And then of course there's the lack of communication altogether, the silence a breeding ground for making up truths that aren't true. But what relentlessly surfaces -- along with the frustration and impatience and over-analysis and questions Will he reach out? Is her reply lukewarm? What if we actually showed someone that we like them?
What if we were open about what we need and want? There's this overwhelming fear that if we show our true enthusiasm for someone, we'll lose our power.
That if we ask for what we need, we'll be rejected. That if we show our true colors, we won't be liked.
Should a girl call a guy first the withholding and passive-aggressiveness and game-playing that results from not just being ourselves is epidemic.
And the attempt to hide our true selves endemic. A good friend of mine ascribes quite seriously to the notion that as a girl, she should never initiate a text message. She thinks it's a game-winning strategy.
I think it's the easiest way for her to hide out and avoid any vulnerability. You don't have to do anything at all. Never, ever reach out," she tells me -- advice that feels more like an ominous command than a loving tip.
But wait -- this gets better. Over drinks last weekend, I shared this asinine policy with a guy friend. But," he continued, "if your friend ever wants to have a real deep connection with someone, that's certainly not the way to do it.
I don't like you. So, it seems, in his case, the girl is sitting there wondering why the guy isn't texting, and the guy is sitting there wondering why the girl isn't texting. While it seems not everything needs to be said - we don't need to gush everything right away or have intense "talks" from the get go "Should a girl call a guy first" we would do well to just be real. Refreshingly honest and forthcoming, in a way that invites others to do the same.
She has had the distinct honor i. You want to say hello, do it. I hate to admit that despite my better judgment and good intentions -- and my mom's pretty spot-on advice -- I found myself straying a few weeks ago. I guarded against potential vulnerability by acting out of alignment with how I really felt. In other words, I sent texts that I just wish I hadn't. And though I attempted to backpedal and just be myself, what was done was done. Alas, there isn't an "undo" button on a text message.
I'm very clear now that acting against my authentic self actually feels way worse than the rejection or disappointment that "Should a girl call a guy first" have come my way. Because I know that the reward could have been way greater than the risk. Fundamentally, dating should be all about love and desire and fun, right? But it's so obvious that we won't really fully get that outcome if we don't have the courage to put our real selves out there.
We will Should a girl call a guy first truly experience meaningful connection with another when we're just our raw, real, totally vulnerable selves. Yes, it's hard to move beyond the ego trip and the push and shove of the dating world, the fear of rejection and hurt and some inevitable disappointment. Decide what you want. Know what you deserve. Figure out what you can't live without, how you want to be treated and who you want to be as a partner. Stand fully in yourself and your truth, and trust that the right people will come, and the others will fall away.
Be the person you want to date. And be brave -- because this whole dating scene takes serious courage.
But it's not nearly as overwhelming or difficult once you know and honor your truest, most wonderfully lovable self. Alexis is the host of Borrowed Wisdom for Love -- an interview series featuring top dating, love and relationship experts. Check it out www. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you.
Elections HQ Senate 35 seats. The thought of straight up honesty, for most everyone, is terrifying. Clearly, the dating game calls for a heaping dose of authenticity.
But what is being inauthentic costing you? Go to mobile site. As single millennials, the “Should I text him first? How often is too often for a girl to text “just to say hey”?. Mind your autocorrect, don't spam him, and be your witty self – even if that calls for emojis (personal opinion). Does She Secretly Want You To Call Instead Of Text? Here's How.
Guy Sends $40 Invoice To A Woman After Their First Date. Dating News. Answer for guys: Yes, if you are a guy you should lead the interaction. If I'm REALLY into a girl and she texts first it makes no difference to me, Rather than text her, which is impersonal and standoffish, you should call and talk to her.