Big community funding update! May 11, 5: I don't normally date much because my work schedule tends toward being a little insane. I haven't ruled it out, it's just that I have trouble meeting people who can deal with my hours. Recently, I met this guy through an activity I'm into and we really hit it off.
He's got all of the qualities I'm looking for, is super sweet and good-looking, and all with the bonus of working a similar schedule to mine. He's been hinting that we should go out sometime, and for the most part I'd love to. The only thing putting me off is that Hookup a guy with messed up teeth has some broken and missing teeth along the side of his mouth that are badly discolored.
The rest of his teeth are normal. I'm not trying to be mean, but it looks awful. I understand this sounds extremely shallow, but the thought of kissing someone with half a mouthful of bad teeth is off-putting to say the least.
On the other hand, I'd hate to write off a potentially awesome guy because of this one thing. Times are tough and maybe he just doesn't have the money to get them fixed. Or maybe he doesn't realize how obvious it looks.
What should I do?
Is there some kind of tactful way to bring this topic up so that I can find out what happened and if he's going to get this taken care of? I mean, I can't really just go up and ask him, "Are you ever planning on getting your grill fixed? We are our early 30s, if it matters.
At this point the question isn't "Are you going to fix that? You're going to have to reach down inside and figure it out yourself. Yeah, it didn't have the teeth tag. Your prejudice over the teeth is going to kill this thing. I've got a friend who's got pretty bad teeth. He has some sort of defective saliva that doesn't have the normal compliment of antibiotics.
He's about the same age as your friend, and is slowly getting them fixed as finances allow - cosmetic dentistry ain't cheap!
So, surely he knows it's a problem, and it's very possible he is dealing with it as best he can. It doesn't really matter what aspect of a person makes them less attractive to you, whether it's teeth, or the way they dress, or the way they organize their flatware- you're not attracted to them and it's okay to look elsewhere.
From the way you talk in your AskMe, this sounds like it's a dealbreaker for you. Pretending that it isn't isn't going to make it not a dealbreaker. Yeah, some things are just a deal breaker I know it's just the first date, but think of all the photos you'll take of each other along the way if it works out.
I know it's shallow, but so what? If it bothers you now, it'll bother you forever. And, I don't think it's appropriate to ask him about it now He deserves someone who is fundamentally attracted to him. You deserve someone who you are fundamentally attracted to. If you miss him after you move on, apply this to future superficial judgments about people. You could always gently find out from him why they're messed up. I bet if you knew the story behind them and know that it's not tooth decay because he only brushes with marshmallow Peeps, it might not bother you nearly as much.
I've got terrible teeth. Not discoloured, but as a consequence of being kicked in the face when I was 15 my front teeth look like a nineteenth century cemetery in profileand that's after extensive dental work.
If I were the bloke you're talking about I wouldn't be insulted by your asking about my teeth. I look at them in the mirror every morning and evening when I Hookup a guy with messed up teeth and brush my teeth; it's no more insulting to ask about them than about the cut of my hair or the colour of my skin.
Which is to say: I don't know, I can see how it would bother you but I don't see how it could hurt to go out with him once.
If by the end of the night you still can't imagine ever kissing him, move on or maybe put him in the friends category. But you may find his other traits physical and personality-wise begin to overshadow this one flaw. I understand this sounds extremely shallow Well, what do you want us to do -- tell you it is indeed shallow and you should ignore it so as not to be shallow?
You can't just stop caring about this out of some sense of obligation not to care about looks. Whether you want to call that shallow or not doesn't really matter. What matters is what matters to you. So, ignoring it isn't an option; the best you can do is recognize it as a negative but see if there are enough other positive factors to outweigh it.
Go out with him. Don't mention his teeth — they may be a sensitive issue for him, and it's not really your business. And if you end Hookup a guy with messed up teeth liking him even more, you might find that the teeth really aren't nearly as big an issue as you thought they were. Literally, it's not shallow. What it is, is subconscious mate selection.
You like X, Y, and Hookup a guy with messed up teeth about him; I mean
Hookup a guy with messed up teeth like the shape of his hands, the sound of his voice, the curve of his eyebrows. You didn't rationally decide to like those things.
It doesn't make you a good person that you like guys with for example big stubby hands, or long fine fingers, or whatever; similarly it doesn't make you a bad person that you like straight, white teeth.
Whether or not he can fix them. Same applies to weight, height, race, etc. The trick is to remember that he isn't a bad person for having bad teeth.
He isn't objectively unattractive, that's a nearly-meaningless concept. He's unattractive to you because your subconscious self, which is at least as intelligent and three times as cunning as your conscious mind, considers this particular feature to be of vital importance.
So it flags up "NO" and leaves it up to your conscious self to rationalize it, hence you posting this question. It's possible that subconscious positive cues can overwhelm the negative one. There might be things about him that you like so much that you can learn to live with the teeth. But this Hookup a guy with messed up teeth be the result of any conscious decision to do so. The best you can do, if you want to pursue a relationship with this man despite your subconscious revulsion for his teeth, is to spend time with him and develop a friendship.
You may, probably will, find that the teeth become less of an issue. Or you may not. Your priority order for these things isn't clear to you, let alone to us; and it changes. It's entirely OK to look elsewhere and it's entirely OK to hang out with him in the hopes, for at least a while, that you'll get over the teeth issue, so long as you're not misleading him in any way. I'll go against the general consensus and say that it would be OK, if he asked, to just outright say "It's your teeth, Joe.
You're a great guy, but those teeth of yours are a turnoff for me. I would say that a sane, sensible, good person who actually liked you would take that statement in the spirit that it's meant.
Freak-outs are for whackos and you're better off without them anyway. You haven't told him to fix his teeth; you've stated the truth, which is that it is a problem for you.
He can decide for himself if it is worth spending the money and the time it can take years, if we're talking orthodontics and jaw surgery to fix his teeth, or whether he should give up on you as a potential partner and look elsewhere himself. Don't forget that he is a rational agent, he is entitled to make his own choices, but in order to do so effectively he needs to know the facts. Not giving a person an honest "no" can be nearly as misleading as giving "Hookup a guy with messed up teeth" a dishonest "yes".
No, AND it's none of your business. Both are far quicker and cheaper than orthodontics and would probably make a major difference to this guy's look. D posted by aeschenkarnos at 7: As others have said, if his teeth are that abnormal, he knows it's a problem. There are probably monthly, weekly or even daily civil wars going on inside him between the part of him that says "No-one will be attracted to me because of my teeth, I am disgusting" and "I'll get dental work when i have the money, sure, but not everyone cares about my teeth, let's not get too down on ourselves for the time being".
Tell him that he's lovely but you really Hookup a guy with messed up teeth feel that way. Be unambiguous about not being attracted to him but ambiguous about exactly why.
Seriously would you be happy if someone told you "it's your nose" or "sorry, but with those breasts I had a broken front tooth for quite some time. I was very self conscious about it, but I would not have minded a Hookup a guy with messed up teeth question. But it's still not really polite because you can't know how sensitive he is about it, or what the cause is. I'm sure he knows exactly how they look. As a year old currently wearing braces, I can speak with some authority on being an adult with bad teeth!
I would not mind if someone, particularly a potential partner, brought up my teeth politely either now or before I had braces and merely had crooked teeth. Don't see any need to explicitly say you're not attracted to him because of his teeth, but finding out why they look like that, if he has plans to fix them, and even cajoling him to do so light-heartedly you gotta get those fixed or you're going to scare children and animals!
Yesyes, a thousand times yes. My canines are sandisfield.infog I look like a vampire when I grin. Last year, I paid for some pricey dental work and got these swanky zirconia(?) teeth. I came. 5 days ago Dating a man with crooked teeth - How to get a good man. It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man. One woman writes: “sandisfield.info I went out with this guy, great guy.
Nice Another said, “I cannot handle going for a man with bad teeth.
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Did I over react?I really like this guy and he's interested in me, but he has bad teeth. .. the teeth, and if not, say "Sorry, but I'm just not feeling a connection. 5 days ago Dating a man with crooked teeth - How to get a good man. It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man..
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Station Not open in spite of further replies. StoOgE First tragedy, before long farce. I met a really superb girl last gloom, really funny and really cute to boot. We smack it off at the end of the day well.. I got her number and then she smiled.
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No teeth, no love. Subtle, romantic, cheerful, we clicked really okay. I didn't want him noticing me dissecting his mouth with my eyes, so I tried to be watchful on that mission I had in figuring finished what bugged me so much And whatever it was he hid it well. The second hour I legitimate couldn't improve my function of difficult to statue out wtf this conviction was with me and the weirdness with his mouth
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