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How to get over a divorce after a long marriage

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After hanging onto my marriage for way too long to the point where things got Divorce Court uglyI finally mustered the courage to end the year union with my high school sweetheart.

Although I was the one to finally walk away, I was devastated by the death of the dreams I'd held for myself and my children and the idea of a single future. After a decade, a suicide attempt, several How to get over a divorce after a long marriage, and a couple of antidepressantsI've come to understand that I was causing my own suffering by torturing myself with expectations of what I thought my life should be.

Now, I realize that there are no "shoulds. By ditching the "shoulds" and consciously accepting and being open to whatever unfolds, I have been able to alleviate most of my pain and suffering. Suffering comes from our attachment to our thoughts about what happens, not what actually happens. In Loving What Is: It is not our thoughts, but the attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. She continues this idea with a metaphor, "Thoughts are like the breeze or the leaves on the trees or the raindrops falling Would you argue with a raindrop?

Raindrops aren't personal and neither are thoughts. In other words, Katie advises us to meet our thoughts with understanding and productive questions. She proposes that behind every uncomfortable feeling, there's a thought that's driving it. To change stressful, painful feelings, we must understand the original thought causing it rather than looking outside of ourselves at circumstances or people. Learning to loosen my attachment to my thoughts has changed my life for the better and allowed me to see the humor and wisdom in the uncomfortable growth period after my divorce.

In order to be your best self in your relationships—whether it's with a friend, family member, or partner—you need to FEEL your best, inside and out. Ready to learn more about how to become your most vibrant self?

Here's What I Learned. Group 8 Created with Sketch. Group 7 Created with Sketch. Email Created with Sketch.

I was married for 15...

Group 9 Created with Sketch. Group 10 Created with Sketch. Group 11 Created with Sketch. Group 4 Created with Sketch. Here are 18 lessons I learned from my life after divorce: I've learned that you can be in so much pain, so lost, and so broken that you can't eat or sleep.

After hanging onto my marriage...

I've learned that you can be in so much pain, so lost, and so broken that you eat a whole coconut cream pie and all you want to do is sleep.

I've learned that you can be married to someone for 18 years, look at them sitting across the table from you in a lawyer's office, and realize that they're just as much a stranger to you as the lady who led you to the conference room and gave you a bottle of water because your mouth was dry. I've learned that taking well-timed naps is a viable, self-defense mechanism. When asleep, you don't have to think, feel, worry, or even exist. I've learned that little boys don't value sleep the same: I've learned that you probably shouldn't attend a wedding too soon after getting divorced because you'll likely end up crying until snot pours out of your nose.

I've learned that little boys don't like to see their mother cry. I've learned that if you read too many self-help books in a row, it isn't really all that helpful. I've learned that dogs make good cuddlers, but sloppy kissers — and leave little hairs all over your sheets.

I've learned that a cat rolling around on her back in a sunny spot on the driveway can make you smile, even if you thought you had nothing to smile about. I've learned that I should be more like my cat. She's aloof, entertains herself easily, and only allows those who have earned the privilege to touch her. I've learned that, if you do nonstop yoga for two days straight to get your teaching certificate, you might giggle childishly when they ask How to get over a divorce after a long marriage to "vibrate your chakras.

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I've learned that visualizations and positive affirmations can make you stronger, even if you don't really believe what you're saying at first. I've learned that regrets are just lessons we haven't learned yet. I've learned that goodbyes are just as much a part of life as hellos and that you better get used to both. I've learned that it's much more important what you think about the person staring back at you in the mirror than what others think about them.

I've learned that you are much stronger, way smarter, and far more resilient than you ever thought. Debbie Hampton recovered from decades of unhealthy thinking and depression, a suicide attempt, and resulting brain injury to become an educational and inspirational writer.

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If you find yourself facing...

If you find yourself facing the end of a long marriage that you treasured, I started seeking answers on how to find my way through the divorce. I was married for 15 years, together with my ex wife for The figure I was given when going through DivorceCare - Divorce Recovery Support Groups. One of the most challenging aspects of getting divorced after a long marriage is sifting through the finances, Covy said. Money that used to.

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